I’m at a wedding, once again. A woman I’ve never seen before approaches me. She’s wearing a fashionable dress, with red painted toe nails in high Armani heels. ‘No boyfriend?’, she curiously asks. As if it matters. Yet another soul who doesn’t understand independency. But I know why she has one. I can understand. ‘I’m on vacation‘, I say, proudly. Her left eyebrow slightly twitches. Her face asks for the benefits of this not so ordinary vacation. Well, if you must know… I’m doing whatever I want. No noise, no whining, no messages from hell. No one’s asking for dinner, no one’s getting upset. Funny how, when they’re about, you feel alone; and when you’re alone, you feel alive. I’m reminded again of who I was when we met. Yup, vacations from love. You should try it some time, I kindly reply. It’s a lot better than hitchhiking in the middle of nowhere, I’ll tell you that. No seriously, you should try it. You can even work out a ‘6-months ON, 6-months OFF’-plan. When loneliness sets in, do it all again. Trust me, it’s the best vacation you’ll ever have. And you don’t even have to leave the country. I’m telling you, it’s gonna broaden your horizon in ways you never held possible. Those thoughts that just don’t come when you’re next to someone. ‘So when are you coming back?’, she asks. I shrug my shoulders, turn my gaze towards the buffet. Dunno. I’m on vacation.
Director of MV: Michelle Gurevich
How fucking easy it is to make a music video that shows fucking everything that’s fucked up with society, a.k.a. the fucking “adult world”, in under ninety seconds, without actually relating all that much to the original fucking song. Fuck. Ah yes. Bitch. It’s the hidden heathen’s activities and all its unrevealed hypocrisy about it. Nigga. Cuz really the things we actually do on planet Earth for most of our short-lived lives are really quite confusing. Shit. I mean, seriously, think about it, what are our actual activities in “the day-to-day trenches of adult life”? (quoting David here) Hoes. That’s right. Motherfuckin’. Sex. Beauty. Booze. Money. Pills. Anything to numb down the meaninglessness of all this wandering around and basically just wasting our time by physically or psychologically harass one another from time to time. Pussy. Kill ’em. Shit. Kill ’em all. Motherfuckers. Ah, the truth in swear words. Fuck. It’s like “modern consumerism society”, to quote David once again, “with a whole lot of rhetorical niceties stripped away”. Sluts. Or, in other words: Swear words. Tits. And let’s not forget 00:20. Bitches. Because, let’s face it – Niggas. That’s why some people need humour in their lives – Ass. And some others, yes, hysterical laughter. Like – Hoes.
Director of MV: Double Ninja
Fetishes. What is it, what are they for? They’re actually pretty useful, you know, the way dreams are. Take this woman. She’s smart, cute, playful. Or so she was before … well, before she entered patriarchy. Cause there was of course the time she felt abandoned, rejected, humiliated. Sound familiar? Here’s what you do: Pull out your heart – to make the being alone easy. And you simply turn your attention elsewhere. To drawing, for example. Or to the little things in life. Or to fetishes. It doesn’t really matter what it is you turn your attention to. As long as it makes the being alone easy. As long as you leave patriarchy at the door. Cause you wanna stay in control of your body. Of, you know, this body that is Yours. Break the bridle – to make losing control easy. But of course, if you’re really into fetishes, you might wanna start thinking out of tha box. Don’t let them control you. Don’t let them tell you what to do. Just DIY. There’s a term for this kind of mindset. It’s called Self-love. It’s something you’re gonna need. Trust me. Or, wait … perhaps it was Self-destruction? I can’t recall the right term right now. Anyhoo … it doesn’t matter all that much. The important thing to remember is that, if you do as I say, you’ll find you won’t ever have to remember again. Burn all your things – to make the fight to forget easy. Yes, I know! Isn’t it great?! It’s a marvelous little device, this fetish thing. It’s like lucid dreaming. Break the bridle, take the leash, learn to let go. And the good news is, you won’t feel a thing. Ever.
Director of MV: David Terry Fine
Sweet sour. Johnny had the moves, Kelly had the groove. Marc and Marcus bled it out. Nothing to see, nothing to do, so, then, what do you do? E-xactly, you harass the nearest adult, make a little fuss, randomly smash stuff, do a little dance. In short, you turn sweet sour. Y’all the Gang in town and they know it. If only this boring lil’ stuck-up place had the cash to teach you humanity. But no. – Pick up your stitches. – Yes, for real dude. Get your shit together. Pick up a stereo. Play some breakbeats. Make Liam Gallagher look like a nobody. I know what you’ve been through, we don’t really need to talk about it. Talk? No, God no. Talking only makes stuff worse. Way worse. No, we had better shake it off on the sound of music. Do a little dance, shake a little tush. Terrorise the neighbourhood with tha Band of Skulls-Gang. Yup. Sweet sour. That’s us.
Director of MV: Ian Davenport
Props needed for a low-budget music video: boot, acoustic guitar, gorilla suit, three Eastern men, rope, piano, one palm tree, wood chucked fire flames and an axe. I just want to be a lady on Tuesday afternoons; oh, how many woods would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Yeah, cause those two sentences together make perfect sense … Let me introduce you to something perhaps new to you: lyric puzzles (or puzzles to solve in music lyrics). This one’s apparently about the relation between chopping wood and the female ape. Or in other words: it’s about those few women out there who have to show us men, that they, too, know how to chop wood. But, you know, I, as a modern man, am very open-minded about this. My girl, for example, is just as strong as me, just as clever, just as funny, and I do have to admit that she can chuck wood. Haven’t seen this all too often in women. It takes a PhD to know what apes all understand. But now that you’ve shown me that you can kill, that you can debate and that you can DIY, it’s time to settle down, don’t you think? I mean, yes, women, too, can chop wood. I get it, okay? No, really honey, I get your point. The “we are all equal”-point. Now we’ve seen you chop the wood, leave that shit to someone else. Men, for example. But you’re very clever, sweetie. You’re very clever. Now get over here and tell me how the laundry machine works. This thing is driving me mad.
Director of MV: Michelle Gurevich
Well, I remember my first encounter with the devil. I remember wine. And cigarettes. And way too much free time. I’d had a jazz-night that night. A lone one, that is. Ah yes, my first encounter with the devil. He came before me in a moment of utter boredom. No video game, travel or gossip activity could guide me through this one. I didn’t know it at the time, but this was boredom that would last forever. Existential boredom, that’s what so-called smart people call it. It’s some kind of imposed apathetic boredom infused with a touch of mental helplessness and a raw cherry on top (and it ain’t no chemical cherry either). Anyhoo… It’s a virus that’s been going around. Ah yes, the devil’s charming ways to manipulate you and your thoughts. He appears in front of you first as a fluffy slightly “off” feeling, then as a giant nicotine cloud, and finally as a woman clothed in a black silk dress so sexy you’ve lost all control over your breathing skills. Foolishly, I try to follow, but I fumble and fall behind. The first reflection of the devil inside you is when you drop your dreams, and you welcome him into your heart. Cause the devil works in mysterious ways. Sexy, but mysterious. He’s like the full moon really. Raw. Pure. Real. A living dead thing. But hey, there’s some good news for us bored people … Yolo!
Director of MV: Jay Brown
A long intro, huh? – Yes. It’s gonna be that kind of video. Though these kinds of videos do not usually predict much good, let’s watch it anyway. Cause the song’s cool. And cause Woodkid’s music videos (MVs) are like mysterious theme-chained chapters of a bigger picture. Example, the main character of his previous MV “Run Boy Run” was this little boy who likes to run. So let’s pick up where we left off. Let’s look at the boy now that it’s no longer running. I am softly watching you, but, boy, your eyes betray what burns inside you. Ah yes, the viewer watching, but without real understanding. On the one hand a church, an organ, and a country-hat kind of guy. On the other, a deserted landscape with one very lost guy out there (same guy). Two sides to a coin? What’s the missing link here? Is there anything I could do to get some attention from you? – Probably not. That’s the way love goes. One loving the other much more than vice versa. If only I had them keys to you. The sound of love is out of tune. Same old, same old. But feelings aren’t black and white. Or are they? Inner worlds. You never seem to get a hold of them. They suck you up, spit you out, then come back to haunt you. Or how to wonderfully represent this fact by sucking you up (at sea), spitting you out (in church) and letting your hands betray what’s really going on here. Falling through the whales there, are you? – Yes. Cause that’s what unattainable love is like.
Director of MV: Woodkid (a.k.a. Yoann Lemoine)
Pick a stunning landscape and build your video around it. And, oh, pick something that suits your song. In this case: a The Martian-like landscape (for those who haven’t seen the film, go see it). I’ll keep you waiting-ing, waiting-ing for me. Sounds very The Martian-like to me! Look at that, even the song itself relates back to the film. Talk about intertextuality… Awesome vid. And come on, who doesn’t like to look at a person of which we’re not really sure whether they’re male or female? Of course, you gotta delete some non-Mars-like elements, such as the element of water. Maybe not that The Martian-like… Perhaps more Icelandic. Anywho … the landscape thingy, if done properly, ought to work. What’s nice too is that this video plays with a colour range of white and black, but it’s not white and black at all. It’s just some cold colours mixed up with a hint of Mars-like orange. This video literally screams “let’s go and mix up Mars and Iceland!”. Let’s take our worries to a place away from today’s cold music industry and think on ‘em a little bit. Let’s wear black all day and walk around in deserted landscapes. Yes, let’s do that. Sounds like something the Vok would do. Come to think of it, I’ve gotta plan my next trip to Iceland.
Director of MV: Glashier
Guitar. Suggestive move. Lips. You can look, but you can’t touch. That’s how to properly introduce a sexually tinted rock music video. Dear viewer: you can look, but you can’t touch. How painfully true… Moving on. I think I’m paranoid, and complicated. Ah yes, any free-fought woman can relate to that kind of thinking. I think I’m paranoid, manipulated. Ah yes, any modern man can relate to that. And, overall, drug-users can relate to both… Main themes established. Add a lot of PhotoBooth-effects and nano-second close-ups of the independent punk lady in the front and real sexiness reveals itself. No need for a naked lady on a giant ball. Just some shots of a woman’s lips, a playful sixties-dress, a hint of equally playful underwear, combat shoes, fifty shades of grey and a lot of body language stressing the “I’m paranoid, I know it and, well, that’s me”-attitude and you’ve got a recipe for one VERY sexy video. And, well, the collar helps too. Add a Patti Smith-like bass voice to it and some stuffing of the mouth with one strange hand-move and that’s it. You’ve established yourself a clear combo of sexy punkrock and insanity. Any viewer can relate to that. Ah yes. Please me, tease me.
Director of MV: Matthew Rolston