‘Kim’, Nadya is surprised to see me, she looks up at me from the red café couch. After I approached it, she had suddenly stopped talking to her friends. Friends that used to be mine. 6 months ago. Too long ago. Ages ago. ‘You’re here’, she’s trying to sound normal. ‘I didn’t think to see you again’. I nod kindly and give her a little smile as to say ‘all good’. Bet you didn’t think I’d come back to life.
It’s not fun to suddenly get sick for too long. Life goes on, others go on, the sun goes up, She goes down, you watch it all from the hospital bed. But it sure would be nice to have something fun to go back to. Other than these words I put on paper, what is there? There are friends you’ve realised aren’t the best friends. There are girlfriends you’ve realised aren’t the best girlfriends. There are habits you’ve realised are total shit.
But of course I would be back. I have to laugh about it. ‘What’s so funny?’, she asks, awkwardly looking around the circle of so-called friends. I didn’t realise my laughter was out loud. ‘Ah nothing. Just thinking to myself’. She raises an eyebrow, then, trying to fix her response, a Botox smile. There are many things people don’t do enough; like smiling for real. When have you last smiled for real? ‘How’s your book going?’, she asks. A good, simple, genuine question. She means it. Though, her eyes seem a bit off.
Stronger, stronger, everlaster, now you are faster, never crasher. I have to think of The Score’s song, ‘Stronger’. A song I listened to for 6 months in a row.
I look around the room. All fake blondes, gym people, guys with a diet, so-called friends with a fake smile. Why did I come here after all this time? I can’t remember now. When she asks me if I stay for coffee, my mind draws a complete blank. Hm. Do I want to stay for coffee …
Instead I politely decline, move away from the couch, on to another table and order a black coffee. No sugar. Then I take the nearest napkin and start scribbling on the paper. Good thing I’ve brought a pen.
These words are my obsession.
Director of this Music Video: Jason Lester